


Beauty Always in the Last

by WhyDoesEverythingHappenSoMuch (orphan_account)



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker
Genre: Ben doesn't die, Canon Rewrite, F/M, First Kiss, Fix-It, Force Bond (Star Wars), Redeemed Ben Solo, Still lots of angst!, in between worlds
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-28
Updated: 2019-12-28
Packaged: 2021-02-26 01:06:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,650
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21994960
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/WhyDoesEverythingHappenSoMuch
Summary: Ben can feel in his chest just as well as he can feel in the Force that his heart is about to give out. His vision waivers, and a black haze encroaches on the scene before him. Yet, once he has her in his arms, the pain becomes so inconsequential. The girl he had chased across the galaxy and then some rests against him now. Ben has a morbid streak, how could he not given all he has seen, but never did he imagine that the first time he held Rey, she would be cold to the touch.__________________________________Rey and Ben Solo share kisses, deaths, apologies, and souls.__________________________________A fix-it fic that just had to happen! I kept as much angst as I could and tried to give Leia a better send-off in the process. Everything ends well, I swear. I won't hurt you like JJ.
Relationships: Rey & Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 1
Kudos: 22





	Beauty Always in the Last

Ben can feel in his chest just as well as he can feel in the Force that his heart is about to give out. His whole body thrums with waves of pain; a few of his ribs are broken, and he suffered quite a blow to the head in his fall. His vision waivers, and a black haze encroaches on the scene before him. Yet, once he has her in his arms, the pain becomes so inconsequential.

The girl he had chased across the galaxy and then some rests against him now, still in death. Her chest pressed to his; Ben feels her stillness. The pounding in his head as his heart kicks erratically seems like a mockery of her lifelessness. Face hot and eyes pricked with tears, Ben waits horrid, millennia-long seconds for a shiver, a breath, a fluttering of eyes, anything from the girl in his trembling, sore arms. 

Ben has a morbid streak, how could he not given all he has seen, but never did he imagine that the first time he held Rey, she would be cold to the touch. He had imagined their first embrace many times. Mind and body bruised and battered from a battle, training, or Snoke's displeasure, to hold her in his mind was all he could do to slow the spirling of his thoughts. In his half-waking dreams, she always smelled of the earth, and crisp wind, and lilies. Her skin under his ungloved hands would be warm and brown from the sun. 

Her arms, which he now clutches bitterly, are plaid and covered in a cold sweat. Her face nestled between his shoulder and neck, chills him. Ben longs to feel the brush of a soft breath against his neck. 

Reaching into his mind, Ben frantically searches for their bond. Only the cold rush of emptiness where once there was something greets him. It's like walking to a well-loved home only to see that all the furniture has been removed; the emptiness fundamentally wrong. He tugs at the severed connection, all the same, nothing. 

Helplessly he calls for her, tries to reach for her mind. He searches the Force as well, near-hysterical in his pursuit. Ben allows for the energies of all things to flow in him and feels for her signature spark, nothing. Panic bubbles up in him, and he tightens his hold on Rey as he mentally cries out for the Force to obey him. He wants to beat the energies of the universe into submission until they will reverse time or bring back the dead. Ben wants to reign the Force in and control it.

In a sweeping rush that leaves him shivering, the Force flows away from him. Neither the Dark nor the Light are within Ben in those terrifying moments he exists without the Force. He takes a centering breath and leaves the room of smoke and dust. Reminding himself of balance and the autonomy of the Force, Ben struggles to stifle his desperate anger at the galaxy for taking Rey from him now. Aware of every agonizing second that passes as he sits on the cold stone floor holding her dying body, Ben manages to empty himself of the need for control. Slowly, tentatively, the Force slips back within him.

The feeling of being re-infused with life reminds Ben of the first time he had felt such a revival. Rey had given up a piece of her life and being to him, and he could repay her kindness now, he could give up a bit of his own.

Shifting Rey so that he could place a hand on her stomach, Ben concentrates on his task. He reaches for the Light and bids his goodbyes to the Darkest of energies that reside within him. He does not shun the Dark Side of the Force as a whole--there must be Light and Dark in every person-- Ben only bids it farewell for a moment. For the first time since he was a teen, he feels the soft and easy caress of the Light. The warm energy soothes him, as sweet and hopeful as the rising of the sun. The Light greets Ben like an old friend.

The soft weight of a hand startles him, and relief wells up in him in one great rush of feeling. His heart strains within the damaged cavity of his chest, but he can hardly feel the faltering of his heartbeat in the wake of Rey's revival.

He has loved her for a very long time now, but never with such ferocity. Dizzy with love or blood loss, Ben gazes at Rey and watches her work out her return to the living.  
"Ben." She says, almost shocked at her own voice. He lifts his hand and gently touches the back of her neck, the skin there warms quickly under his touch.

Her hair falls across her face, wild, and the dusty remains of the fight dirty her face. Rey has never appeared more like an angel. Ben, half disbelieving that Rey has returned to him, reaches for their bond. The connection glows with all the strength of their combined relief and joy.  
"I love you." He whispers across the bond, and Rey smiles.

"I know. You've told me in dreams." In a fleeting moment of levity, he wonders how often she has peered into his night thoughts. 

Her heart thrums, now in the process of sputtering and halting to life again; his own fizzling out. Still, when she smiles at him, the collapsing of his most vital organ seems like it's worlds away. He reaches around her and clutches her almost in shock at being allowed this kind of gentle contact. 

Rey isn't looking him in the eyes anymore; her gaze lingers on his lips. Ben realizes with a boyish giddiness that she means to kiss him. For a very long time, Ben assumed he would die before he ever kissed someone. 

For all the worlds, he wants to lean forward and press his lips to hers. Then, he hesitates. Ben knows he doesn't have much time left; to leave her with a kiss seems cruel. Better to let her slide away from him unscathed. He may no longer be Kylo Ren, but Ben still doesn't trust himself not to hurt Rey. So he waits, does not close the ever-decreasing gap between them. 

They exchange no words through their bond. No words can express what Rey wants to say to him now. He came back. He turned. He broke a cycle. He brought balance. He is good. He is light. He is kind. He is worthy of love. The only way now is forward, and god, how beautiful did forward look to Rey. 

Her brilliance of feeling overcomes Ben's trepidations, and if Rey surges forward to kiss him, he will be more than ready to receive her. Her eyes flutter, and the ghost of a smile flickers over her face.

When her hand reaches up to cradle his face, he melts before their lips have even met. And then their lips do meet. 

Since their minds were tethered together, a crackling power and energy grew between them. From planets away, they both could feel it grow stronger every step they took nearer the other. All that building energy and tension, pulled taut across years of warring and lightyears covered in their galaxy shaking game of cat and mouse, shattered. The white-hot spark burned in them both. 

He gathers her up in his arms with hardly a thought, and she goes easily. She kisses him firm and sure.

She doesn't smell of the earth as he thought she would have, rather ash, sweat, and blood. But really, Ben wouldn't want this kiss any other way. Her nose presses into his cheek, and her eyelashes give butterfly kisses. Her lips, impossibly soft, spread into a smile, but she has yet to pull away.

When she does, Ben doesn't open his eyes for a second, just revels in the lovely feelings of acceptance and peace that flow through him in the wake of it all. The comfort previously unknown.

He opens his eyes, greeted by the most radiant smile.

After a lifetime of beatings, manipulations, grief, and unending guilt, anger, and anguish Ben can hardly believe such a simple human act wipes it all away, even if only for a second.  
Rey lays in his arms, very much alive, the order vanquished, the Force, steady, teems with life and possibility. Rey feels it too, and Ben smiles.

And then his chest seizes, and his vision dims. He doesn't want to leave her, not now. He wants to hold on to this newfound peace. He grips her arm tight and tries to pour his every thought into her mind, share with her every moment he has loved her, apologises for every time he has hurt her.

Rey receives his outpour of feelings, and it's like she has taken up temporary residence in his mind. With sudden horror, she feels him fading. She races to catch the theater of the bond being tugged away but falls short. Rey, still holding him, sinks fully into his mind, and for one blinding disorienting moment, they are one; a true dyad; one soul. She feels him die. 

Rey, from a young age, has understood loneliness. Often, she had no company but the stars. No one in the galaxy understood so well as Rey the existential dread of realizing a person can never truly be known. She had met Finn and Poe and countless other well-meaning friends upon joining the resistance, but still, even on the lushest of planets surrounded by the best of people, Rey felt distanced from them.

And then Ben lit up one day in the very recesses of her mind. She learned what it was to be known wholly. The Light and Dark in her mirrored and understood by the Dark and Light in another. All of it dims until Rey feels the vast nothingness that replaces the spot Ben had occupied in her mind. Rey gasps a shuddering sob.

It's blunt and sudden, and she feels the Force tilt, now akilter. The blow reverberates through her and all things. Then a second blow of the same kind, from planets away. Leia.  
__________________________________________________________

He had not seen Leia since the day he had decided not to kill her. His mother stands, dignified, a few yards away. Ben, although he has no real body here in this in-between place, feels a shock of nervousness zip down his spine. In the hazy distance, his mother takes a few steps closer. Ben hazards one step back. 

Images of his childhood flood through his mind. Family dinners, walks in parks, festivals, and holovid screenings, all of those memories buried in time, push their way to the forefront of his mind. There too, are the memories of all the atrocities he committed against people who fought for his mother's dream.

Shame rushes through him, how can his mother look at him and not feel revulsion. She could not love him; he is sure of it. He drops his chin to his chest, hiding his look of consternation behind a curtain of dark curls.

The orange-tinged, diffused Light that surrounds them in this nothingness plain leaves him no choice but to look at her eventually. He sees in her eyes the motherly parallel to the look Rey had given him moments ago. From the look alone, he knows his mother forgave him.  
Leia steps forward again and opens her arms, and Ben runs to her. He hugs his mother with the weight of all the years he was unable to. She squeezes him back and laughs through her tears. 

"Ben, Ben, it's you." She cries and reaches up to hold his face in her weathered hands. He leans into the familial touch. 

"I'm sorry." Is all he can manage as they cry together for all that has befallen their family. A family that has been broken, but gradually, after death and destruction, can start to heal. Leia has not lost hope. 

His mother's touch falters, a look of acceptance settles over her features. She wipes her thumb over his tear-wet cheek, "You can't come with me." 

Ben hesitates and searches her eyes, looking to see if he has done something wrong. 

"Ben, my son," she says this with reverence, "you can't leave her. Your path is forward with her, not here with me." She grasps his hands and holds them up between them.

"Go to her. I'll be here when your time has come," Leia says, smiling up at him, her teary eyes squinting. 

Ben reaches forward to hug her again. "Don't go, mom." his voice breaks on the last word, and he holds her like a child.

"I won't, not really. I'll be with you, always," Leia says into his chest. She looks at him once again with all the love of a proud mother and her corporeal form flickers. Ben, now well acquainted with the feeling of being given life, is frantic to stop her. 

"Mom, no. I don’t deserve this-"

She only smiles and mouths, "I love you." as she fades away and been received her life force. The energy of his mother lingers, but not in grief but in joy and comfort and love.

Soon, his arms embrace nothing, and he drops them to his sides. He watches the last traces of his mother's form, and though he knows all is right, it pains him to watch her go.  
Alone for a moment in this liminal space, Ben feels a mind grasping for his own. 

Rey. 

Rather than vanish with it into the misty depth following Leia, the murky world of soft orange fades out of existence. He awakens in the arms of Rey.  
____________________________________________________________________

His sight returns before his hearing or ability to move; he watches her cry silently for a moment. Red rimmed eyes shut tight, chin and lips trembling. He works up the strength to lift a hand and grazes his fingertips along Rey's jaw. She gasps in surprise and grabs his hand, pressing it to her tear-streaked face. She feels for their bond the second she is sure he is alive and holds on to his mind for dear life.

Rey reaches for his face again, running fingers along his cheek. Her presence is so loud in his mind. 

"Ben, I thought you were gone. Don't do that to me. Don't ever do that ever again." She holds him to her and cards fingers through his unruly hair. 

Holding Rey tight, he mutters, "I saw her, she forgave me. She never stopped loving me, not really." Rey nods against him, her head buried in the crook of his neck. 

"She gave me her life. She brought me back to you." Rey inhales deeply and sighs, finally content. 

Rey reaches out into the Force and grasps for the threads of Leia's evanescing person.  
Rey latches on to the very last wisps of Leia's consciousness, "Thank you." Rey is answered with a flood of soft, euphoric feelings as the last line of communication with Leia wains.

Ben laughs, sonorous, and falls back, pulling Rey onto his chest. The ground underneath his head is craggy and unkind, but Rey gazes down at him, and for once, his mind quiets. He reaches for her hand, splayed on his chest, and lifts it to his forehead. He lays her hand there and holds it, blessing himself. 

"Thank you, Rey. It's quiet in there. Finally"

His eyes still shut tight in revery, Rey leans over him to kiss him once again. He responds all at once, cupping her face with both his trembling hands. He sits, yet to break their point of contact and Rey shifts onto his lap.

She brings their foreheads together, and they breathe as one.

**Author's Note:**

> Hello Reader! (Yes you, no, no not the person who read this before you--I don't care much for them--but YOU) I hope you have enjoyed this short read! I'm planning a total rewrite of the film with minor (read: major) plot reworkings, but before I embark on this quest, I'd like to find out if there would be a readership for such a project.
> 
> This ficlet is just a test run of my rewrite plans! If you are interested in my plans for a rewrite, do let me know in the comments! If you have just enjoyed this little bit of Reylo catharsis, let me know as well :)
> 
> Big thanks and all credit due to Librari Ren on Twitter for Ben's line about his newly quiet mind.  
> The title of this fic comes from the song F.O.R.E.V.E.R. 
> 
> I have no editor, very sorry for any mistakes you might have caught!!


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